Being in a relationship can be as beautiful as a living fantasy. The initial stage of a relationship might always seem like a perfect thing, which you assume would remain the same forever.
However, toxic relationship can sneak upon almost anyone—which can crumble your whole world apart. And “abusively controlling partners” can make things even worse for you. People of any age, gender, sexual orientation or socioeconomic status can be in controlling relationships, playing either role.
You might not be able to recognize such actions, but feel trapped, confused and hurt due the abusive behavior of the partner. And to help you out I have given some signs below in the article that will help realize if your partner is abusively controlling, trust me it will save you from a whole lot of trouble!
- Prolonged criticism on smallest things:
Criticism is not always negative, but there is a limit to that as well. Some partners may try convince or rationalize this fact by saying that “He/she just wants me to be a better person” or “He/she doesn’t like the way I do things and its okay to correct me” or “I like to do things the way she/he likes” But ultimately, no matter how individually small a criticism seems, if it’s part of a constant dynamic within your relationship. It would be very tough to feel accepted, loved, or validated. If every little thing you do could use improvement in your partner’s eyes, then how are you being valued as a true equal, let alone loved unconditionally?
- Threats of isolation from close friends/family:
You might be thinking that only threats physical in nature are alarming in a relationship, but no! The controlling partners may threat you to cut off from your privileges due to XYZ conditions or threat you that if you won’t do XYZ action they will not let you have any contact with your family or friends. You might feel trapped and fear,and due to fear of isolation do the things that he/she says. The relationship is basically the root of fear more than affection.
- Emotionally manipulative who knows how to turn the table around:
They know the key of how to emotionally manipulate their partner, making them feel guilty for the things they merely did out of care and love. The way they make their partners feel guilty about every day’s on goings is mentally painful. This excessive guilt can make the partner extremely upset and leave them unable to function healthily.
- Jealousy, accusations, or paranoia are common:
A partner’s jealousy can be flattering in the beginning; it can arguably be viewed as endearing, or a sign of how much they care or how attached they are. When it becomes more intense, however, it can be scary and possessive. A partner who views every interaction you have as being flirtatious, is suspicious or threatened by multiple people you come in contact with, or faults you for innocent interactions because they may be “leading someone on” may be insecure, anxious, competitive or even paranoid. Additionally, when this perspective becomes ingrained within your relationship, they very likely are attempting to be controlling as well.
- Getting you so exhausted of argument that you surrender:
It is not on and off, it is almost every day. And there comes a point where you are so sick of arguing that at last you surrender to save your relationship and avoid conflict. Unwantedly you are giving the remote control to your abusively controlling partner, which you might don’t recognize early.
- You don’t feel sex as an act of intimacy, it feels uncomfortable:
There is surely a connection that the two people experience when making love. But while being in a toxic relationship sex might not feel comfortable. You feel no connection or love, it’s just physical. And after that you might even feel uneasy around him/her. Either way, when you feel consistently unsettled about goings-on within your sexual relationship, it’s a sign that something is wrong.
- Inability to respect your needs and point of view:
You may notice that you are constantly interrupted, or that opinions you express have been quickly forgotten or never been acknowledged in the first place. Perhaps the conversation is always so overwhelmingly dominated by your partner that you can’t remember the last time they asked you a meaningful question about how you were doing and actually listened to the answer. Amidst of that you might also feel that your needs are unimportant to him/her as they are either snubbed or never paid attention to.
- Putting you in a situation where you experience self-doubt towards your educational and professional goals:
Sounds familiar? You share the happy news but instead of appreciation or at least a good reaction you are put in the situation where you are thwarted that doubt your capabilities. Even when you think the destiny towards moving the goal is in your hands you feel disillusioned.Maybe you used to have a lot of drive to own your own business, but your partner tends to think of your ideas as silly and you find you’ve lost confidence to pursue them further. Often a controlling partner has a way of using you as a weapon against yourself, by planting seeds of doubt about whether you’re talented or smart or hard-working enough to make good things happen in your life.
This surely sounds depressing, and I can actually imagine how you would feel while being in this kind of relationship. Now that you have spotted these unhealthy signs, what to do next? Below I have given some points that will help you out!
- Evaluate how safe you are: Be realistic about what your partner may be capable of. Document your concerns, and keep law enforcement in mind as an option for added protection. Even if you aren’t at a point where you are ready to leave, it is important to have a safety plan.
- Get hold of your support system, no matter how you can do it:You may feel intimidated or ashamed to tell your friends and family about what’s really going on. Take a deep breath and do so anyway. It is crucial that if you want to make changes, you strengthen your ties with trustworthy friends and family who can help see you through this process.
- Plan out different scenarios: Get specific about short-term and long-term plans and goals. If you are going to leave a household, what are the financial steps you need to take? Where will you stay? What possessions or belongings do you need with you? You need to consider every possible scenario before taking a step further.
- Practice self-care: As with many things in life, the right thing to do can be far from the easiest. There are few times when it is more important to pay attention to your eating, sleeping, and mental health, and to keep up your strength.
- You might experience mixed feelings: while you are planning out to leave, you might think of all the possible beautiful things you both experienced together, that might also create a confusion that if you should actually leave your partner or fix things with them? This part of the process, however… think long term, do want to stay with this abusive woman/man for the next 6 months, or your whole life?
- Keep following through no matter what:It takes care, planning, and multiple steps. If your first attempt to make changes or get out has failed, take a breath and give yourself a break. Then start again. Rely on your support to help you keep your eye on your long-term goal.