“Humans are social animals” how vastly does this little statement explain the life style, need and purpose of a human being. We strive to live for our loved ones, we get strength at unexpected times from the ones who support us, who stand by us, we get a purpose to keep going from the ones we care for and we are always thirsty for affectionate interactions, to be liked by people, to be looked upon, to be important to someone or at least at some point just be acknowledged.
Though as humans, we are all flawed but we are always looking for someone to overlook or to accept our flaws and see what we have more to offer, to find a circle of people where we are welcomed as we are, some of us even tend to pretend being somebody we are not just in order to find acceptability among our ideals, that is exactly where we go wrong.
For many reasons we can catch ourselves among the people who make us feel unworthy, unloved, unaccepted and at times they just give us the wrong feels with smiles plastered upon their faces, it just does not feel right, some drain our energies, stab behind our backs and are not our well-wishers but we still keep holding on in a hope of things getting better, we keep holding on because we don’t know how to face what we are feeling and sometimes we get confused with our own feelings. Don’t worry! We’ll help you in identifying unhealthy friendships only then will you be able to move on!
1. They make you feel low about yourself
The people who are true to you love to make you feel confident and proud of yourself and they manage to correct your shortcomings without making you feel pathetic because they care for your feelings and would not ever accept the fact that you feel any less. Toxic friends in your life may taunt you, comment on you negatively or might just talk in a way that you feel bullied and bad about yourself, in real they selfishly care only about their personal sentiments because their own self-esteem is low and by making the other person feel low they feel boosted, true friends are the opposite and they can’t stand for a moment that you feel any less than a gem.
2. There is a lot of back talk
There are moments where you hear rumors being spread or bad talk about yourself, someone might snitch on the talker at some point and let you know about what is being said about you behind your back. These blabbers may be your close friends who know deep details about you. Just for the sake of fun they make you a topic of discussion in other circles and instead of sharing and correcting your shortcomings to you, they laugh about it to other people. The moment you leave the table, they start talking against you, even if you don’t hear it from other people your intuition gives you the feeling. These are the people you ought to run away from as fast and as far as you can!!!
3. They don’t respect your boundaries
Every person has a set of personal principles and boundaries, we all have our values that we personally follow. Friendships in which mutual respect and values are shared are the strongest ones. Toxic friends don’t respect your values, they jump over the boundaries you set, making you feel aggressive and unheard and then blaming you for your reaction. Instead of understanding your limits, they turn a blind eye to them, constantly probe and push you to your limits where you can’t take it anymore, over and over you feel like you are not being respected enough, you start questioning that maybe that’s how friends are supposed to be? Maybe there’s no such thing as respect in friends? Maybe my values are too overwhelming? This is where you are wrong!! The people who can’t respect you enough to take your beliefs and boundaries seriously are not your real friends, you need to change your circle and find people who truly care for all the aspects that are important to you.
4. They are not happy on your achievements
Untrue friends are consumed by jealousy when they find that you are doing better than them. They cannot stand seeing your achievements in life whether they be professional, academic or personal gains. As soon as you share those with them, they tend to find something wrong or negative about them or simply make you feel unworthy of your gain, instead of genuine happiness you’ll find a stingy tone, and you immediately question yourself whether they are actually happy or just showing so. If you feel that in your gut, trust it.
5. You keep picturing yourself in another situation
There are times when you are sitting in a certain circle of people, feeling like a cornered kid, unheard, undervalued and start picturing yourself in another group of people or setting. You don’t feel elated among the ones around you. You imagine being with other people, in another scenario, you hope to find someone who understands you and actually listen to you, this where you know that it is time to walk away because if you stay with the same circle you are losing your chance to find better.
6. You feel exhausted after interaction
Toxic people drain you off your energy because you have think twice as hard to interact, you feel judged, you feel disrespected, you feel unvalued, and you feel unheard. These are all the wrong things to encounter. All the negative sentiments are twice as hard to deal with and instead of feeling like a breath of fresh air, the interaction makes you feel burdened and exhausted.
It’s not always that we choose our friends, somehow we end up being with some people who are not good for us. But don’t punish yourself even more by staying in the same place which is damaging your mental and emotional health, be kind enough and love yourself enough to walk away, you deserve better and you will surely find better!