How can you unchain yourself from unnecessary guilt?
You might have heard women often saying “Whatever I do it’s never enough!” or “I wish I had worked harder” or “I forgot to buy the bread… what wrong with me?” or “ It was so selfish of me to go for the party alone” etc.
Like other emotions, guilt is also one of them that we all experience in various tendencies. But according to confirmation though many types of research it has been proved that women are prone to feel more guilt than men.
There was a research conducted in three different age groups, and the highest gap of women feeling more guilt than men was 40-50 year old range.
Through a research, it was also found out that what reasons caused them to feel more guilt. The main factors were “(a) when they were taking calls from work while it was family time and (b) while responding to work emails when at home”.
Other than that, this was also proven that millennial women felt more guilt for taking a vacation.
So, it has been proven many times that women feel more guilt than men, want to know why is that?
Why do women feel more guilt?
The answer lies in the manner of socialization and male dominance as well. It’s not a new thing that women and girls are expected to be social, make good connections, compromise for family’s sake and conform according to the environment offered. As well as are expected to take care of everybody’s feeling no matter how much they are hurt inside.
Talking about the other factor, in many cultures even now male dominance is considered the higher power and accepted without a second thought, hence increasing the possibility of self-doubt and guilt in women.
Is it healthy to feel guilty?
Like other emotions are healthy to experience, so is guilt. By feeling guilt you correct your wrong doings. Recognize your core values and try to meet those standards that you have fixed for yourself. You can improve your relationships with your loved ones too.
But what about those who feel unnecessary guilt? It’s a psychological burden that hinders the normal functionality of a healthy life.
As a fact, excessive guilt is also a symptom of depression. Excessive guilt has also been associated with a history of childhood trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (stress after a traumatic event in life). Excessive guilt is also a symptom of other disorders which people don’t recognize.
What can you do on your end?
For sure this feeling and repetitive thoughts can be very disturbing. And this psychological burden of excessive stress can drain your mental energy leaving you unable to function healthily.
However,ladies, I have got some tips for you that will help you eliminate this unwanted feeling. But you have to be patient with yourself!
- Look for proof:
Cloudy things might keep you worried all the time. The solution is to present yourself with proof and stick to it. forexample, if you think you are not performing your daily duties well, then make a list of all those things you usually do and tally your tasks with it. Same is the case if you are a family person. Make a list of all the chores and errands to run, and follow them up.
- Open up and ensure:
Rather than wondering and assuming things all the time, directly communicate with people and use your sources to ensure the proper information. As well as think and consider things from the outside prism. Ask your loved ones/people who are close to you that what they feel about your actions. If you lack to fulfil their needs, find solutions and strike a balance while considering your needs as well.
You deserve to be valued and that should be your own self who does that. Make a gratitude journal, and write any 2-3 things you did that you liked about yourself or any likeable action that made people happy. This will drift your mind away from self-guilt and negative thoughts and enhance self-esteem.
- Swap your place with the other person:
How does that help? We often wonder why others do the things they do. We question their actions and doubt our own worth and abilities.
By swapping yourself with their place you can have a more objective view of the matter. To survive, it’s important to understand people’s perspective too.
- The addition of gray:
Thinking and dealing with matters in the light of “black and white” (a metaphor for 2 extremes) can be really harmful to you. Try adding a bit gray element, look at the situation through multiple prisms, consider all the possibilities and go with the best one. This will help you to be flexible in your decisions.
- Is guilt a cloak upon other emotions, figure that out!
If you are in a toxic relationship, the other partner might consider you selfish for taking care of your own emotional needs or setting certain boundaries. You might be angry, hurt or scared but this confusing conflict within yourself might be masking guilt.
In such a case, disconnect yourself form the toxic relation for a while and organize and recognize the problematic factors, keep them on a table and look for solutions.
- Judge your limits, act accordingly:
It’s better to let the curtain down and be as much honest as you can be. It’s not necessary to push yourself to the dead point and then stop. Be the boss of your actions, make those commitments which you know you can fulfil and not beyond that.
- Take care of yourself:
It’s time to give yourself all the care that you gave others while ignoring yourself. Take an hour or a few off from work and other duties and do things that you love to. Dine out with a friend, go fishing or do anything that is a source of inner peace for you.
By following the given tips above, you will gradually feel light-weighted from all the excessive burden that you have been carrying that actually doesn’t belong to you.
Free yourself from the chains, its time to shine ladies!